The Mission Stories: Elder White’s Phone

I was writing another post and this story came to mind so I scratched the other one and decided to write this instead. If your reaction to this story isn’t the laughing-crying emoji, then you clearly didn’t serve a mission in Peru or you are boring.

So as missionaries, you had a phone. WOW the future is upon us. to be fair, the only people who had cellphones at the start of my mission were those of the office. We had the ole home phone setup in Huancavelica. But then cellphones for companionships started coming into play, and that was basically cash, except the alarm was a lot quieter and no matter who your companion was he always seemed to pick the most annoying ringtone.

But when I had my own phone, I got to pick the office telephone ringtone and annoy everyone else. And it meant Elder White had his own too. So he decided to lose it.

Not really, but he accidentally left it somewhere, and it was stolen. No surprise, we were in Peru, where your Book of Mormon gets stolen while you’re trying to give it away. Literally asking them if they want it, they say no, then when you look away they grab it and run. OKAY YOU’RE COOL BRO. So White leaves it behind. Good thing us secretaries had unlimited plans, and so the dude who stole it just started using it to call all his buddies.

This meant we could also call him. We started off with the innocent “Hi who is” calls, but then he recognized the numbers and wouldnt answer. So we would call from payphones and get maybe 4 seconds with him. We had almost gave up hope and resigned ourselves to canceling the number (and telling our President). But then I had an idea.

the end.

Kidding. So I called him up from a random phone, and it went something like this. If you don’t understand Peruvian slang, your loss.

Him: “Sí”
Me: “Habla, que haces pata”
Him: “ah, tú sabes, manejando”
Me: “Ya Pe, no seas malito. ven a la plaza ‘stamos chupando. te invito”
Him: ” Es que ‘sta duro el trabajo no me deja salir”
Me: “No, tú no sabes nada. Ven pe.”
Him: “Bueno ya voy”
Me: A La plaza, apurate”
Him: “Sí sí”

I guess I’ll translate. It went like this:

Him: “Yup”
Me: “What Up Nigga”
Him: “you know, driving”
Me: “Dont be dumb. Come to the plaza, were drinking. Ill buy”
Him: “Naw, work wont get off my back”
Me: “You dont know anything. Come.”
Him: “Fine Im coming”
Me: To the plaza, hurry up”
Him: “yeah yeah”

Like, who falls for that? A random number calls you, and you just roll with it assuming its a bro cuz they invited you to drink? And you just bail on your job at 11:30 AM cuz said random bro calls up the boys for a round? Wow. Welcome to Peru.

So he didn’t show up for like an hour, so we just left and cancelled it. But it was pretty funny. Bet he showed up too.

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